If you’ve ever tried to visit your favorite restaurant or coffee shop after they close, you’ve probably been met with the disappointment of the “CLOSED” sign. For many businesses it doesn’t make financial sense to stay open 24 hours and because many of us understand this, they don’t feel the need to explain why they are closed. If they’re being really nice, they might put a sign up that says “Closed for [insert holiday]” or “Closed for Lunch” or a “We’ll be back” with a little clock that tells you when you can expect them to be in the office again. While that’s nice, I don’t personally feel like any business owes me an explanation if I happen to visit or try to contact them outside of office hours. That’s just the way it is. Why then do I sometimes feel a need to explain myself or fudge on my hours for clients or contacts who wish to get in touch with me during hours that I should technically be “closed for business”?

I was thinking on this the other day and thought it would be a fun exercise to share with you what my typical evening looks like after I “clock out” for the day at 5, and why no one should expect to be able to get in touch with me or hear from me after that time. So here goes:

5:00pm

Right about this time I have the kids (all 5 of them between the ages of 2-7) clean up their toys while I finish preparing dinner and set the table. I mostly run back and forth between the kitchen and the living room reminding the kids to clean up while making sure I don’t burn any food or break any dinnerware.

5:30pm

We all sit down together to eat. This is a really important value for our family and it has been difficult at times. Kids don’t really like to stay in the same place for very long, but we manage to do some check-in with each of the boys, share things about our days, and even get some good laughs in every once in a while. This time is sacred and is an anchor for our family.

6:00

When dinner is done we immediately put our plates in the sink and do our after dinner chores. In all honesty, regardless of the fact that we’ve done this a bazillion times, the boys almost never put their plates directly in the sink and getting them to do their chores is a struggle almost every night. But, most of the time, they do them anyway and we get through it and we leave the kitchen each night tidy and clean as we found it.

6:30pm

Every night that we’re not doing something else we have what’s called “Family time.” We use family time for a variety of activities including board games, puzzles, arts & crafts, living room dance party, playing outside or going for nature walks. This is a time for us to connect as a family over a fun activity and build memories.

7:00pm

Bath time. We split the boys up between two tubs and give them a quick wash. The older three are now old enough to bathe themselves (thank goodness), so this gives Rachel and I a little more freedom to get their bedtime stuff prepared.

7:30pm

Story time. We place a high value on books and reading, so we dedicate a chunk of our evening to story time every night. We start by reading a couple of shorter children’s books, then read a chapter out of a chapter book, then we have everyone sit for about 10 minutes and read (or flip pages and look at pictures) “silently” on their own. We’re still working on the “silently” part.

8:00pm

Prayer and breathing. We give each of the boys an opportunity to say a prayer, then we take 10 deep breaths. We have found that the practices of expressing gratitude through prayer and intentional breathing recalibrate our attitudes and help us to be more mindful for the following day.

8:10pm

Snuggle time. We’ve only recently gotten into this practice where Rachel and I take about 5 minutes of one-on-one time with each of boys. It’s rare that we get to have that consistently during the day, so this time is meant to maintain and strengthen the unique relationships we have with each of the boys.

8:30pm

With the boys in their beds and drifting off to sleep (read as “knocking on our door or calling our names for the next 15 minutes”), Rachel and I do a few end of day things to get ready for the next day, then we can spend about an hour relaxing, reading books, hanging out, watching a tv show, etc.

9:30pm

Time to go to sleep, because I’m going to be getting up at 5am the next day and I don’t do my best work without enough sleep.

***Note***
Can I just say for the people out there who actually prescribe sacrificing sleep in order to get more things done, STOP. Seriously. Lack of sleep is keeping you from experiencing your full potential, it’s diminishing your self-discipline, it’s hampering your creativity, it’s causing you to not be fully present with the people you love, it’s raising your stress levels and slowly killing you. This is not how you do your best work. If you have young children and don’t get enough sleep because of their sleeping/feeding schedules, that’s one thing, I’ve been there. But don’t choose it for yourself. Get enough sleep!

Sorry for the rant, I just had to put that out there. As you can see, my schedule is pretty full after 5pm. Could I make exceptions and be available sometime during those hours? Yea. Could we stop doing some of these family routines to open up a little more time? Yea. But these are my values. I value my family. I also happen to believe that the fulfillment I gain from the time I spend with and the things I do for my family enrich my work and creativity. It factors into the quality that you get when you hire Ben Toalson to make something for you. Here’s the attitude I would like you to have… If you want to work with me, you do it at a time that doesn’t cause me to compromise on my values. You’re paying for the version of me that is only capable of offering the kind of value I do BECAUSE of my family values. It’s part of the package.

I hope this helps you wherever you are. Whether you have kids or not, you have values and boundaries that are worth protecting. You certainly don’t have to outline for your clients why you can’t be available during specific hours, but it is good for them to understand that it’s because of your values, your boundaries, your processes, that you’re capable of providing the kind of quality they are looking for.