The Daily Struggle

Today is a struggle. I get up early most days because if I don’t get a jump on the day I end up losing more time and productivity because of all of the noise in my world. Most of this noise comes from my wonderful children, playing, laughing and fighting downstairs, and my inner struggle to stay focused when I want to go rescue my wife from a stand-off with the kids. Five in the morning is a sleepy hour, but the kids are still asleep and the house is nice and quiet. We don’t have the kids in childcare, so my wife and I split the kid duties. She takes care of them in the morning and I take care of them in the afternoon. By six the kids are up and I can hear the noise of them outside my bedroom door, stomping around looking for shoes (we are constantly looking for shoes in this house), and I am working away.

Morning Workflow Interruptions

Something I left undone during the weekend becomes my first distraction of the morning, as I walk away from my work to take care of something that would have taken me 5 minutes to do the day before, but takes me 15 minutes this morning because my brain is still upstairs at my computer. I return and stare at the screen for a few seconds before reorienting myself around whatever it was I was doing before I left.

Not too long after I am given the choice to walk my oldest to school or stay home with the 4 younger. I choose the former which takes just as long, but is mentally a little less challenging.

“Working” Through Naptime

I get home, go upstairs and dive back into my work. It’s nice for a few hours. Then lunchtime hits and I can sense the chaos downstairs. Lunch is followed by a nap-time routine that sometimes resembles a mini-circus. Nap-time begins at 11am and here I know that I have and hour and a half before my shift begins and I am responsible for the kids, and maybe, just maybe they’ll sleep until 2pm.

My Turn

Once the kids are “down” my wife enters the room and begins her work. The remainder of her shift is spent going back and forth between our home office and the boys’ rooms, trying to settle them down. Then it’s my turn to watch the boys. This usually means I’m done working for the day, but if I have deadlines I didn’t meet or people that I need to follow up with, those things become distractions against watching the boys.

And Repeat… And Repeat… And Repeat

Watching the kids for the afternoon, cooking dinner, spending time together as a family, the night-time routine… all of these are wonderful things we get to do every day, but leave us exhausted. We make the most of the time we have once the kids are down for the night, trying to spend a little time together, getting the house ready for the following day, getting some work done, then we retire for the night so we can do it all over the next day. And the next day, and the next…

Working from home with kids is hard. Getting momentum and traction for our businesses AND maintaining a healthy home life don’t seem to want to work together. Is it always going to be this difficult? Are we just stuck?

Is It Going to Be Like This Forever?

Sometimes what we are experiencing today feels permanent. We know that it’s not permanent. We know that things change and that our future will look different and our past experience proves this to us, but what we are experience today is most immediate in our minds and tends to drown out everything else. At best, the feeling of permanence is a nagging annoyance in the back of our minds, at worst, it can feel like the walls are closing in and leave us crippled. Whatever your circumstances, navigating through these feelings can be challenging and can keep us from our best work.

Here are some of the things I do to manage these emotions so I can get back to work:

Let Your Mind Time-Travel
Daydreaming is a good word here. Making a regular practice of imagining our future and recalling our past is a good way to condition our minds to hold our present reality more loosely. When you think about the past, ask yourself: What has changed? What did I want then that I have now? What was difficult then that is easy now? When you imagine your future, ask: What is difficult about today that will look completely different tomorrow? What are some things that I want now that I will have in the future? You’ve got to be careful with this one though. You can build a great deal of discontentment for your present circumstances if you look at your past or future in the wrong light.

Plan for the Pivot Points
Pivot points are the little moments in your timeline that add up to equal a big change in your circumstances. Your kids starting school or getting involved in extra-curricular activities, a new client or product for your business, your children growing more capable of handling certain types of responsibility, growth in your income. What pivot points do you foresee? Make a plan for these pivot points. Ask questions like: What am I going to do with the extra time this change might give me? or, Where am I going to make up the time that I’m losing from this change? or, What tasks might I begin to delegate or pay someone else to take care of to free up more of my time? Just thinking on these things is beneficial, and having a plan for how you will manage these changes further reinforces the idea that things WILL change.

Change What You Can Today
Is there something you can change or sacrifice today to make your present circumstances more livable? I feel the most grief in the areas where I’ve built bad habits and have poor discipline. One example (something I’m doing right now, in fact) is waiting until the last minute to work on my writing. This is not only stressful, but doesn’t lead me to my best work. I’m usually racing against the clock to get it done and end up doing it on the most inconvenient day at the most inconvenient time. So I’m sacrificing some of the things I enjoy doing at night, so that I can get up early and write every day. Building a daily writing habit will not only put me ahead on my writing schedule, but will also allow my ideas to flow more freely.

Embrace Your Current Season
Amidst all of the struggle of working from home with kids, I LOVE that I can stop what I’m doing at any time and see them. I love that I make my own schedule, so I can be present when they need me most. I love that I don’t have to clock in somewhere and spend my time building someone else’s dream. Can you find something that you love about your current circumstances? Can you look back at your past situation, or at others’ present situations for some perspective? Are there little things about your routine, your daily cup (or pot) of coffee, the random interruption of children, that you find endearing? Let these things help you to mentally and emotionally re-frame the season that you’re in today.